Resilience

Today's prompt from Rachel Cole's Savor project is focused on resilience:

And still I rise ...

Truth is, I'm having a hard time with this one. It's too close to home. (And it's why my post is a few days behind. I was off the grid for Thanksgiving, and then when I returned, life shifted.)

I live in Colorado Springs. For those of you who are here with me, you know what happened Friday.

For those of you not here in the Springs, many of you — if not all of you — have probably heard some bit of the shooting spree that occurred near and in our local Planned Parenthood facility. A man killed three people. Many others were injured.

Living through the experience, knowing I somewhat regularly shop at the grocery store that shares the parking lot with Planned Parenthood; knowing that many of my friends also eat and bank and access health care services at this strip mall; and not knowing who might be there in danger or on lock-down in one of the businesses, I was scared.

Frustrated.

Angry.

Upset.

Sad.

Anxious.

I was not feeling resilient.

I wanted to crawl into bed, under the covers, with my phone, and obsessively scroll through Twitter posts.

I also wanted to toss my phone out the window, and then crawl into bed, under the covers, and ignore everyone and everything.

I wanted to go back off the grid and pretend this was not happening again. (About a month ago, we had another shooting spree just four blocks from my home. The people who died? One of them could have easily been me had I made a different choice that morning.)

What did I do during those painful moments? I did spend some time in bed. And I spent too much time on Twitter. I read Alice Hoffman. And I watched two documentaries, two episodes of The Voice and one episode of Dancing With the Stars — How much do I love Bindi?!

Hello avoidance.

Two days have passed now. Details surrounding the shooting continue to top the news. Names of those who were killed have been released. Grieving is happening all over this city. Politics are getting ugly.

As for me, I'm washing T-shirts and socks, and meeting friends for coffee, and making tacos for dinner. I'm getting back to work. I'm (mostly) staying off of Twitter.

All of this could also be called avoidance, but I think it's the thing called resilience.

How to make change, or even hope that change can be made, isn't on my radar yet.

It will come, in time. But today, and tomorrow, and for however long my heart needs, I will simply rise. Take one step forward. And then another. Offer kindness where I can. First to myself, and then to those around me.

And I will let that be enough.

Support

Today's prompt from Rachel Cole's Savor project is focused on the supportive people in our lives:

Because of [insert supportive person's name here] ...

My meditation this morning called on naming one specific person, but for the purposes of this blog I want to broaden my response. Use it however you would like.

Because of a handful of very special friends in my life, I am loved.

I am comforted when I need to be comforted. I am cared for when my heart needs extra care.

I shine and sparkle in their eyes, which makes it easier to shine and sparkle in my own.

I am stronger.

Because of the special people in my life, I am grateful.

Happy almost-Thanksgiving to my American readers. I'm going off-the-grid tomorrow, so I'll return on Friday. Until then, may all of you be well.

Quiet

Today's prompt from Rachel Cole's Savor project is:

In the quiet, I hear...

In the quiet, I hear my heart beat.

Have you ever slowed down and listened to your body so deeply that you can hear your heart beat? Not physically feel the pulse of blood somewhere in your body with your fingers, but actually hear the oh-so-soft thump, thump, thump.

It's soothing.

Give it a try.

Turn off any external noise that you can — TVs, music, phones. Find yourself a comfortable seat. In a chair, or on a couch. Or lie down on the floor on your back or your side.

Begin to notice your breath first.

Feel the inhale.

Feel the exhale.

Welcome the thoughts that arise. And let them pass on by.

Continue to notice your breath. Don't try to change or shift it in any way. Just notice.

Feel the breath in your chest, around your heart. Feel it slip over the heart on the inhale, and back past the heart on the exhale.

Then listen. The heart's beat is soft, but consistent. When you hear it, breathe with it. Try inhaling for two beats, and exhaling for two beats (or for whatever count works best for you).

Settle in and breathe with the beat of your heart for a few minutes. Relish this connection with yourself.

Then slowly let your breath come back to normal. Blink open your eyes, and continue on with your day.

It might feel just a little quieter.

Six weeks to Savor

Today I began Rachel Cole’s "Savor" program.

I'm excited.

And I'm nervous.

Committing to this program means listening to a different guided meditation every Monday through Friday for the next six weeks.

I'm not the best at these kinds of commitments. I get bored. Or tired. Or "busy."

Or it gets hard.

I miss a day. And then I miss another day. And then the easiest thing to do is give up.

But I knew when I first read Rachel's announcement about Savor that this practice was something I needed. Something I was craving, especially at this time of year. I really do want set opportunities to pause each day, as Rachel writes, to find "daily sanctuary amidst the hustle and bustle of the holiday season," and to "close out the year in a deeper relationship with yourself."

Along with each meditation comes a writing prompt for further exploration of that day's focus. Which got me thinking about my blog, and recommitting to it as well. I asked Rachel if I could bring the prompts and my responses to you all here.

Her response? "Go for it!"

So ... I'm going for it.

Each day, I'll do my meditation. I'll tackle the prompt. I'll share my answers. And I'll ask you to contemplate the same topics I'll be contemplating. Some days you'll get a lot from me. Some days, not as much. Some days prose. Some days, perhaps, poetry. And some days maybe just an image. Over the next six weeks, each Monday through Friday, you'll get something from me — my hope is that whatever that something is will help you pause and connect more deeply with yourself.

With that, today's prompt is:

I feel most alive when ...

I feel most alive when I'm dancing. Body moving, heart pumping, breath flowing, music pounding. I feel joy in this place. Pure and simple joy.

There aren't many places in my life where my brain turns off. Where the to-do list doesn't run rampant. Where my worries of the day, week or lifetime don't tap me on the shoulder.

But get me on a dance floor, or in my kitchen with some tunes turned up high, and I can shut it all down. I can connect, deeply, with my physical self, and let all the rest go.

That's when I feel most alive.

Now I ask you:

When do you feel most alive?

"41 before 42" — at the half-way point

Happy half-birthday to me!

I could panic a little about how much I've not accomplished on this list for being at the half-way point, but instead I'm just going to celebrate everything I have done. (And I'm going to start contacting some of you who I know can help me with some of these things. <grin>)

Notes added and italicized where I've started or completed an item. Read on.

• 41 Before 42 •

1. Choreograph a country line dance (and see if Barb will teach it at Cowboys) — I've picked the song I want to use. Time to start working.
2. Plant and grow garlic — Gotta get on this over the next month.
3. Watch every episode of MASH — G's watching with me, and we've finished the first season and much of the second.
4. Try aerial yoga and/or aerial silks — Done!
5. Plan my next trip to France (perhaps running a retreat at Little French Retreat)
6. Attend a Switchbacks match — Ugh. Missed out because I wasn't paying attention to the calendar. Next year!
7. Try kayaking — Done. Not just once, not just twice, but three times. I've learned how much I love water sports.
8. Learn barista basics — Done! And I wrote a story about it too. Will post when it prints.
9. Plant flower bulbs this fall — Gotta get on this along with the garlic.
10. Take a birding and/or bird banding class — Pitched a story on this, so hoping for it to happen in early spring.
11. Continue to reduce my wardrobe, a la Project 333 — Progressing.
12. Take French language lessons
13. Read at least 75 books — I read a ton over the past month, and I feel like this goal is within reach if I can keep that pace up. To date: 35 books done, re-read one, and in progress on six.
14. Take classes on how to use the manual functions on my DSLR camera — I'm actually looking at purchasing a new, much smaller and lighter camera to use on my travels, so this goal may shift some over the year.
15. Have at least one item of clothing tailored to fit
16. Learn to bake croissants — Set to do this next week with a baker friend.
17. Get will and living will in order
18. Have a bouquet of flowers in the house, fresh once a month — The mums from last month are on their last leaf, so to speak, so planning to pick up something new this week.
19. Attend a fest in Telluride — I had this on the calendar and then we had some family issues that meant I had to cancel. Perhaps in the spring...
20. Take performance driving lessons
21. Add a piece of original art to my collection from an artist I have not yet met
22. Stay up once all night until sunrise
23. Perform at a poetry slam/open mic
24. Learn to bake French macarons — My croissant-baking friend is going to help me with this as well. Lots of baking this winter!
25. Attend the Santa Fe Opera — Going, again, on the not-gonna-happen list. Missed the summer season. Sigh. Next year.
26. Be involved with a stage show in some way
27. Bake a fruit pie, with homemade crust, from scratch — See #24.
28. Visit at least one new-to-me museum — Visited Taliesan West in Scottsdale. Absolutely beautiful. Also, visited the Museum of International Folk Art in Santa Fe. Visited the Portland Museum of Art in Maine; Ministers Island in New Brunswick; the Canadian Museum of Immigration at Pier 21 in Halifax, Nova Scotia; the Maritime Museum of the Atlantic in Halifax; and the Sherbrooke Village Museum in Nova Scotia. Also the Pinball Museum and the Taubman Museum of Art in Roanoke, Virginia.
29. Watch one new-to-me movie and one classic film a month — Saw Pitch Perfect 2! (Laughed and cried.) Tomorrowland, and Mr. Holmes. Also watched Frances Ha. At the Santa Fe Independent Film Festival earlier this month, I viewed the classic A Woman Under the Influence, as well as a bunch of New Mexico shorts and the documentary The Seventh Fire.
30. Play Settlers of Catan — Found friends who have the game and want to play.
31. Stay at the Beaumont Hotel in Ouray — Hoping to do this in conjunction with the Ouray Ice Festival in January.
32. Take an oracle card-making class — Took the awesome Inner Alchemy Fire Cards class, taught online by Mindy Tsonas.
33. Research and read more about walking the Camino de Santiago — Picked up a few books and planning to watch the movie, The Way.
34. Travel (again) with a girlfriend — Travelled to Santa Fe with two girlfriends. So much fun. Visited Brush Creek Ranch with another friend. (Watch for a story on this in the next issue of Springs Style Magazine.)
35. Fly a kite
36. Send postcards to friends once a month just because — Doing.
37. Try fly fishing — Ah! Done! And loved.
38. Visit Shambhala Mountain Center
39. Do a Georgia O'Keeffe tour around New Mexico (Ghost Ranch, Abiquiu, etc.) — No tour yet, but I did get back to the O'Keeffe Museum in Santa Fe (which included the stunning-in-person "Above the Clouds I" pictured above), and saw a great O'Keeffe exhibit at the New Mexico Museum of Art.
40. Do a not-just-head-shot photo shoot (with Becky)
41. Get off my ass already and pitch the nun story to Oprah Magazine

Other accomplishments not on this list: Tried archery for the first time. Played paintball. Rode a horse. Stayed at a dude ranch. Learned to stand-up paddle board. Indoor rock-climbing weekly. Hiked a chunk of the Appalachian Trail. Learned to make tortillas with Chef Mica at the Santa Fe School of Cooking. Sat a few rows away from George R.R. Martin as he honored Gena Rowlands at the Santa Fe Independent Film Festival.

What's on your to-do-that-you've-never-done list this month?